No wonder no one is listening

Are we ever really listening?

When I first came upon this understanding, it took me quite a while before I saw anything for myself. I would listen in to as many podcasts as possible, read as many books as I could find from various authors, sign up for webinars, all in the hope that I would learn information that would help alleviate my anxiety and insecurity. 

I would take copious amounts of notes, pages after pages, all with the hope that the information I was filling notebook after notebook with would have the answer to all my problems.

But alas, no matter how much information / data I was adding to my already filled mind, the changes I was hoping for did not arise. 

It was only when I heard one of the founding practitioners in this space, Linda Pransky, in speaking with one of her clients on the topic of listening that I had one of those aha moments!

Linda was chatting to her client and suddenly changed the direction of the conversation they were having. 

Linda stopped and asked her client if she was listening. 

The client said “yes of course” and then Linda asked if she was “truly listening to hear something new”. 

And what I saw in that moment is that we can not think and listen at the same time.

This took me back to when I used to do corporate training and I knew fundamentally that if the participants entered the room with a closed mind, to a mind full of; “I know this already”, or “this won’t work for me”, or “I don’t have time for this”, no matter how good or relevant the content might be, the learning was not making a blind bit of difference as the participants were not listening for new ideas, for new thinking,  they were filtering everything through their personal filter system. 

So when facilitating a workshop, I would make a point of including at the beginning of every workshop, the importance of listening with an open mind. I called it the ‘Yes And’ vs the ‘Yes But’. The latter seems to have become the default we rely on when learning something new. 

You see the only way we can learn something new is to open up for new thinking, for new ideas. Otherwise all we are doing is filtering everything we hear through various parameters, of which for example;

• We listen to apply – so how does this make my life better, my clients life better, my childrens’ life better, how does this information make me perform better etc

• We listen to reply- how to respond to the point being made by the other person. Listening to share what we already know.

• We listen to compare – how does this work or fit with what I already know. Does this make sense with what I already know.

If we are listening with an agenda on our mind. An agenda to apply it, or reply to it or to compare with what we already know, then we are not really listening for the newness in the conversation. 

It is only with a clear and open mind, can we be open to hearing something we have not heard before. 

And that is where the magic happens. Not in trying to DO anything with the information, but to listen to what comes from the inside. That is where all new thought, new ideas arise and have always been generated, from this space of newness, of opportunity, of what might be.  

So no wonder nothing was going in

I was not truly listening with an open mind

I was listening to how this makes my life better, to how I could apply it in my life and in so doing, I had innocently blocked the gateway to new understanding. 

It is not on me to listen. Paying less attention to my thoughts, stepping back and allowing myself to listen more deeply,  I then heard so much

I was able to then tap into that innate wisdom, the innate intelligence that resides in me all the time, 24/7 

And this opened up the space for me to see examples of this all around me, pointing to this understanding, in every experience. 

I invite you to get curious about the times you are truly listening with an open mind or listening to apply, reply or compare.

Would love to hear what you see in this conversation. 

Till next time

Ruth